I sat next to a young mom at church this morning.
She was calmly keeping her toddler preoccupied with marshmallows and raisins, enjoying the brief reprieve while another lady held her newborn baby.
The baby was sleeping blissfully for a while.
Toddler eventually carted off to the nursery with Dad and Mom could listen to the sermon.
Or could she?
The baby whimpered and made those grunting noises common to newborns. Mom looked over to see if everything was okay.
It was. Baby went back to sleep, and mom back to listening to the sermon.
This re-occured a few times over the space of an hour, and then, in no uncertain terms; it was evident that baby wanted mama, and only mama would do.
I admit, my mind was a bit distracted. I found myself going back to a time 18 years ago or so, when my newborn daughter would be lovingly passed around by the church ladies while we distracted her 2 year old twin sisters during the sermon.
It did not matter who held her, she was very content. But when she would snuffle and grunt and make those squeaky baby noises, no matter where I was in the church or how intently I had been listening to the sermon or how completely I trusted the dear soul who was holding her, my ears would instantly zero in on her and I would prepare myself to go get her.
I knew that in the end; when she really needed me I was mama and no one else would do.
There really is no end to parenting.
I think this is universal; applying to anyone with a heart, who has a child.
Even if they are not actively parenting their child.
Even if they do not have custody rights to their child.
Even if they have given their child up for adoption or their child is adopted.
Even if relationships are strained or difficult.
Even if their child is grown up and has children of their own.
I used to think that maybe once the kids were more independant and going off on their own, I could sit back and relax, knowing they were now adults themselves and didn't need me.
I used to think that.
But a few minutes ago, it was burned into me again, that parenting is not a job; it is a lifestyle evolution that cannot ever be reversed.
Several minutes ago, I got off the phone-line and checked for messages, only to find seven collect-call messages from a payphone at the airport in New York City, that my daughter Tessa had left.
Of course, she could only leave her name and no message.
Only the sound of her voice saying her name, SEVEN times!!! to the automated answering service.
She left this morning to go to Panama for the next six months of missions and discipleship school. This has been an ongoing goal of hers since she was at least 14 years old. Both her sisters have done their discipleship training schools, and now it is her turn.
Everything was arranged, tickets bought, suitcase packed and weighed, itinerary laid out... she wasn't nervous when we said our good-byes, no one cried (not in front of her!) and after many hugs and "I love you's" she was gone!
I have been thinking about her today. About what joy she has brought to our world and how quiet the house will be without her and how responsible and mature and independant she has become.
I was thinking about her after throwing her bedding into the washing machine and I sat down to relax with a cup of coffee.
Then; these seven messages....!!!!
What is wrong?
Where is she??
Why is she calling???
Is she okay?? Is she in trouble?
Why didn't we give her a cell phone?
Why did I tie up the line when she was trying to call?
What if she lost her passport? What if she missed her plane?
What if she is being abducted by the mafia?
What if she is being harrassed by strange, creepy men?
What if she is being abducted by aliens?
By strange creepy mafia aliens!!!
I should have taught her more self-defense! I should have bought her pepper-spray!!!
These thoughts and others went racing through my mind.
But in my spirit, I prayed; "Lord, help her be okay. Help her be wise. Give her the assurance that You are with her. Post Your Angels around her. Help her phone again so I know she is okay..."
The phone rang.
I raced to get it.
IT WAS TESSA!!!
She was fine. She was calm.
She didn't need anything.
She sounded confused when I asked if there were any creepy aliens around.
Dad had just told her to phone when she got to the airport before she made her connecting flight.
More "I love you's" and the call ended.
I sat down.
I realized again that parenting means my heart is forever walking around outside my body.
And it will go on... and on... and on...!
To Africa, Australia, Panama and to the ends of the earth by the look of things!
But no matter where they go I will never truly 'relax'.
I will unconsciously always be available for them should they need me.
Of course, their father and I can't always be there for them.
But every whimper and cry for help will not go unheard.
I trust my heavenly Daddy to be the answer to their prayers and to keep them in His arms and guide them, and keep them safe.
Even from strange creepy mafia aliens.
No comments:
Post a Comment