Dear Friend,
...this could very well be one of those type of emails that one regrets sending the day after they send it...good that I trust you...
:)
it is late...a storm rages...
I am worn out after having spent the day painting ...
who am i?
where am i going? :)
who are you? what is your destiny, my beloved friend?
a little late in the day to be thinking of destiny...
but while i was painting was listening to cd's of a pastor/speaker ... something to do with finding and fulfilling your destiny...
was really powerful teaching and struck many chords in my heart...
i felt faith rise up again.... weary eyes reopened
i felt too the sting of correction
something i learned again...tonight... just now...
i failed, my friend....
i failed too
i fell...
but; not too far ; His hand is not shortened that it cannot save....
i learned that again... what i see as His standard for me, is not necessarily meant for others
and how arrogant and legalistic of me to say it should be
but how disobedient for me to disregard it in my own life
the standard that He shows me...
He says to me "I set before you death and life; choose life"
it is for my life, I must choose... not yours or my other friends' or anyone else...
but the life and the call the purpose and destiny that He has designed for me before the foundations of the world
i must obey and let the burning take it's pound of flesh
i must follow...
the narrow road which takes me up and farther in... higher...
no compromise for things of principle
and more grace for the humanity He died for...
this is what i want
but there is a cost
and for me
this cost is things that i see dropping from me like rotted fruit off the vine
if i let it go...and let Him prune from me more of what might be good; or okay;
but not best for where I am aching and longing to be...
i want Him; more and more of HIM
:)
and so...
i apologize to you ....funny friend..
if in any way i have put my call to obey Him onto you..
and i feel the loneliness of it already. :)
I wish my soul could be of help to you in some way...
i ramble... sorry
do i speak in riddles?
yes... but
no...
you will know or will not know
or will not care to know!
ha
and it is late, late, late...
and i spin
and cry
and God; let me choose LIFE.
Love; covers all... covers and endures...
even and maybe moreso in the desert
do you have patience for me here?
:)
ahhhh....
He is closer than my skin
breathe..~
~ little one
