Bittersweet Christmas

I'm Celebrating Jesus coming to earth and changing the world ...and how His Spirit changed my life... and I'm thinking of the loved ones who are partying with the Angels every day in Heaven in the very presence of God. 

It's a bittersweet time....Christmas. 

And for all those who are grieving today, who have lost a loved one especially this past year, I pray comfort and the ministry of Angels to you. 

And I pray you can allow the grief to illuminate the truth that you had the capacity for such love and joy! 
May we each allow our loss to expand our soul to greater depths of love and joy even though we will inevitably suffer sorrow again. 

Love is worth the risk.

God risked it all...for Love 

"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life." John 3:16

Heidi and her Dad/Christmas 2005

miss you

Nativity

I am painting the details on every single nativity character that has been carefully cut out of 1"x4" dressed pine boards.
This I am doing for my grandchildren.
Each family will receive a Mary, Joseph, baby Jesus and his Manger, Asian Wiseman, African Wiseman, European Wiseman, Shepherd, Sheep, Angel and Donkey.
Times THREE.
It's a lot of tracing and cutting and sanding and painting and varnishing.

Why-oh-Why did I ever START THIS this close to Christmas!!!?
Will the grandkids care how much time and love I poured into this?
Not likely.
BUT that's okay. ha!

Once, I made a similar set for my children and foster children to have.... to be able to touch and move about as we talked about the Real meaning of Christmas and allowed them to re-enact it whenever they wanted to and I remember how they did so often.

And then, tonight, as I'm trying to paint the Angel's faces, I start to cry.

Something I read that makes me miss my mom.
I didn't have my mom to see and help me 'turn things around' with the wisdom of her years, when I was in the pressure-cooker of a crazy busy life.
She was dying for 5 years while I parented young children and tried to be present to her and still run a home.
And then she was gone.

I failed more than I succeeded I've since learned.
And learning it shredded my heart. My identity.

So now, when I see my own daughters being amazing moms I am blessed and oh-so-grateful, that they have learned from my inefficiencies.
and.... I do my best to be available if I can help,
to give them things they need for the kids, to encourage and support them emotionally, to help them make their lives and homes and experience a good one.

And I make wooden Nativity characters .... so their children can re-enact the story of Christmas.
And hopefully begin a tradition for their family for many years to come.

A Friend....

How well do we feel we 'know' someone?

Our friends who know us and STILL accept and love us even when our flaws, failures, idiosyncrasies, irritations, and weaknesses have been exposed are truly the friends with whom we feel safest.

I believe this level of acceptance only comes as a realization of our own frailties and weaknesses has been faced and graciously embraced as part of what makes us US.

Touched

We never know whom we are impacting.
Whose life may be altered by having crossed our path.
Perhaps significant to us or an interaction we have long forgotten.
And then....
Every so often...
We meet someone whose imprint on our soul leaves us changed forever.
The fingerprints of God... soul tattoos.

Für immer. 

Heidi Michelle...

 This photo with her mom, my sister Sharon, and I was the last time she had dinner at my house and the last photo she willingly let me take for public use.

This photo of Heidi on her bike were from a whole photo session I did for her at her request. :)



It's still surreal...that my beautiful niece is no longer alive here on earth. I hope to find the emotional 'space' to write more soon, but for now, here is her obituary that I was given the privilege of putting together the morning she died. I had only 2 hours sleep and 2 hours notice, but thankfully, was able to cover the essentials without leaving out the heart.

Send Condolences Place a Donation

Heidi Thompson Thompson, Heidi Michelle (Gascho) Peacefully surrounded by her loving parents Sharon and Paul Gascho and dear husband Ryan Thompson, Heidi Michelle Thompson (Gascho), in her 29th year, passed away early Saturday morning, May 4, 2013 at Sakura House in Woodstock, Ontario. Our beautiful brown-eyed Heidi was born November 9, 1984 in Stratford General Hospital. At the time of her death Heidi and Ryan were residing in Stratford, Ontario. Heidi is survived by her dear husband, Ryan Thompson, loving parents, Sharon and Paul Gascho (Stratford), siblings ; Chris (Lindsay) Gascho of Toronto, Brandon (Fiona) Gascho of Stratford, Joy (Shaine) Kubassek of Listowel; nieces and nephews ; Trinity, Jade, Liam, Zion, Chenia and Josiah. Parents- in-law: Jackie (Paul) Thompson of Harriston, Rick (Marie) of Listowel, brother-in-law Shawn Thompson (Laura) and daughter Phoenix of Listowel. Heidi will be fondly remembered by her Grandparents, George Quinlan of NFLD, Mac and Phyllis Thompson of Listowel, Gerry (Wendy) Gascho of Wellesley and Harry Driedger of Chesley. Heidi was predeceased by her Oma Margaret Driedger, Grandma Jean Gascho, Aunt Marlene Toman, Uncle Richard Driedger, Cousin Jennifer Driedger and Grandma Verna Quinlan. Heidi lived more in her 28 years than many do in a lifetime. Her creative abilities, engaging personality and passion for all things artistic combined with a deep resonance for those on the fringes of society led to her to complete a 6 month school in Perth Australia and Youth With A Mission also serving in Albania, Jamacia, Australia and England. In 2008 during her time working with YWAM Belfast, Ireland that Heidi developed an aggressive brain tumor. Miraculously, the chemotherapy and radiation following surgery eliminated most of the tumor and Heidi was given another chance at life. During the next two years, she married her high-school sweetheart, Ryan Thompson, of Listowel, Ontario and continued using her gifts in painting, eclectic sewing and other unique hand-crafts. At the end of August, 2012, Heidi was re-diagnosed with another brain tumor. Initially, the chemo treatments prevented its growth, but by the end of March, 2013 a MRI showed two new sites of growth. At this point, Heidi chose quality of life over further invasive or chemical treatment. Heidi spent one week at Sakura House continually cared for by friends and family and by the compassionate staff of Sakura House. Heidi had a whimsical, reckless, compassionate, dramatic, carefree, flamboyant, artsy, gorgeous spirit and was loved by everyone whose life she touched. She will be missed immensely. Friends and relatives may call at Avon Mennonite Church 90 Greenwood Drive, Stratford, on Monday, May 6, 2013 from 2-4 and 7-9 p.m. The funeral service will take place at Avon Mennonite Church on Tuesday May 7, 2013 at 11:00 a.m. Interment to follow in Avondale Cemetery. As expression of sympathy donations may be made to the House of Blessing, Sakura House, Avon Mennonite Church (Sharing Fund) or the charity of one’s choice through W.G. Young Funeral Home, 430 Huron Street, Stratford. www.wgyoungfuneralhome.com

the dance of release

April 28, 2013

and so this morning...
I danced...

the worship team was anointed in their songs
and i knew at one point
i must dance
so
i took my shoes off
took my glasses off
and stepped into the aisle

and
danced....

i can't even remember the song at this moment...
but it had to do with worship
and i know my heart was choosing to surrender
even in the pain
even in the public display of undignified adoration
I needed to let go and dance..
right up the aisle
right to the front
and there to kneel and worship
and worship
and worship
and let go