Tears of the Father

Today I am frustrated with this world.

With the senseless killing in Afghanistan, the heart-breaking news that the 10 year old daughter of a social worker I know has died in a bicycle accident, the prayer request for a young man battling an aggressive tumor growing in his spine,
... and I read my mail, answer the phone, offer up prayers and go about my day caring for an almost 2 year old baby skinny beyond belief as his body wears down from the affects of chemotherapy.

God why do innocent children suffer and die?
WHY???

And this is not the first time I have asked, and even now, I do not ask for my sake, but for those who will ask me.
And those I wish would.

Because, really; I don't need to know.

I am at peace with the mystery that a Sovereign God has ways that are higher, thoughts that are deeper and a love that is stronger than I can understand.

I understand that a Complete God; Father, Son, Spirit; desired that their eternal love would be shared by beings who could chose to love in return, and so mankind was created. And it was good. Very good.

I understand the reality that sin entered the world because of man; not God, and He, knowing this would be; in advance created a plan of rescue that could not be ruined by the enemy, that snake, satan.

I understand that He Himself, willingly left the beauty and perfection of Heaven to come into our miserable planet which had fallen away from His desired paradise and became the Divine Exchange.
He became our sin, died on a cross willingly and so satisfied the requirements of the Holy Trinity.
That only a perfect sacrifice could save mankind.
That only thru Him could we be restored to the Father.
That He alone makes all things new.

But...

It's here on this old earth I live and struggle and grieve and cry and wonder and ask.

And, I heard God weep.

Not the helpless weeping of a man who can do nothing, but the raging, wrenching tears of a passionately involved Creator God who knows the beginning and the end and can no more help me understand why bad things happen than I could explain to my 2 year old, in a way that he could understand, how the chemo treatment that is making him so sick is going to help save his life.

Vincristine, Doxorubicin, Cyclophosphamide, Etopiside, intraveneoulsly given in an implanted port under the chest, over a 25 week cycle which changes within every 3 weeks....
GCSF, Chlorhexidine, Sulfamethoxozole, Bloodwork done every few days.
Fever, nausea, vomitting, mouth-sores,hair-loss, lethargy, diarrhea, headaches, tummy-aches, tender gums, low immune system, numbness in hands and feet, aches and pains and pokes and pricks and doctors and nurses and strangers...and more pokes and pricks...

He is almost two. He cannot understand.
But he can respond to love. To caresses, care, tickles, soothing, songs, prayers and being fed anything he will eat and changed and nurtured, disciplined, encouraged and rocked.
And rocked, and rocked... held in arms that love him.

I am human. I cannot understand.
Pain, fear, illness, death, evil, hate, famine, war, persecution, trials.
But I can respond to Love. Divine love wrapped up in the person of Jesus.

Nothing, nothing, NOTHING can seperate me from the Love of GOD through Jesus.

I cannot understand, but I can still ask. I can still cry and still lash out.
Just so long as I run to the Father to be held. To be rocked and soothed and loved.
So long as I run to Daddy for my daily bread, living water, healing, forgiveness and cleansing.
I cannot know His ways, but I can trust His heart. For it beats for me.

How it would break my heart for our little guy to push me away when he was hurting. To reject my love when he needed it most. But he trusts us and knows we love him.

Our Father in Heaven is no less hurt when we push Him away in the desert of our pain.
In that valley where death hangs like a shroud, where illness, and abuse and betrayal sting and poke and prick our tender hearts, He stands ever ready to catch us up in His arms and soothe us.
To find shelter in His arms of love and trust Him who knows all.
Why Daddy? He can not explain in a way we understand.
Hush now, Beloved Child. And He sings over us.

We can not understand.
But we can receive the comfort of One who does.
The Ancient of Days, who will, one day, make all things right and new.
In His time.
And 'why' will be answered.
Or maybe it will no longer cross our minds to ask.
Love does that.
And it is His love; unfathomable, unending, undeserved; that will wash away the "why's?" as He sweeps us up in His arms and dries our tears.